


i have dreamt many times of dying (and then i wake up)

by elbe



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Accidental Incest, F/F, Kissing, Mixed Signals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-27
Updated: 2012-04-27
Packaged: 2017-11-04 09:51:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/392502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elbe/pseuds/elbe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Well, this is awkward.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i have dreamt many times of dying (and then i wake up)

**Author's Note:**

> This was prompted before the big reveal of River's identity, and written after it, so I tried to make it as not-incesty as possible. Cuz, yeah, no thank you.

She remembers the way the sand felt beneath her legs, the heat it had soaked up from the sun near burning. She could already feel a faint buzz from the small amount of wine she'd consumed (clearly, she's been out of drinking practice if that little amount of wine could affect her so, but she's been in prison lately where alcohol really isn't a thing, so she has an excuse). The tang of the grapes and the sharpness of the cheddar, so artfully arranged on the traditional picnic blanket...it was almost good. Almost right. But, like most everything in River's life, it was too good. Too right. And when things are good like that, right like that, it's all bound to go downhill from there.

And, then, she spots the astronaut. He shouldn't be there, but then again, none of them should be. But out of this ragtag group of time travelers and drifters and doctors, an Apollo astronaut is the most out of place. If that's at all possible. 

And then the Doctor's up, walking like he's got a purpose (which he so rarely does, and the fact that he may or may not have gotten his act together shouldn't frighten River, but it really, really does). Walking towards the astronaut that just swaggered out of the lake like it's perfectly normal for an astronaut to emerge from watery depths. 

It happens so fucking fast, none of them know what to do. _"...do not interfere. Do not interfere."_ While River doesn't have any clue what's going on, she does know she cannot stop what's already supposed to happen. What the Doctor very probably engineered. So she holds Amy back, and it's no easy feat with her screaming and bawling and trying to tug herself free. River holds her back, helps Rory hold her, because the Doctor told them. He gave them specific instructions. 

You always follow the Doctor's instructions.

He starts his regeneration cycle, the telltale gold haze forming around his appendages, and for a moment, River thinks he's going to be okay. That the astronaut will just leave, having satisfied that he's hurt the Doctor. Possibly killed him. But that hope is dashed quite spectacularly when the space man fires again and...

And. Nothing.

He's dead. It's so hard to fathom that River doesn't; she just shoots and shoots until her weapon has been unloaded. For a brief, fleeting moment, she thinks of the Doctor and his silly aversion to the things. Guns. How he much prefers - _preferred_ \- his trusty sonic screwdriver, his TARDIS, and the women and men he picks up along his travels. 

It's not until she runs the scanner over his not-beating-hearts, his not-pumping-blood, his not-moving...everything that she really and truly believes he's left them. For good.

* * *

It's not until later when they realize there's still time, when they realize they have to shut up about the future because the past is asking questions and they don't know how to answer him.

* * *

There's a moment in between, just after the world's righted itself (at least, somewhat, because when you're with the Doctor, the world's never completely righted), when River's watching him from the corner of her eye and Rory's off somewhere else, trying to understand his wife's attachment to a man who travels round in a blue box, where River approaches the still-grieving woman and tries to offer some comfort. She knows it's not much. After all, River's never been the mothering/comfort-offering type. She's the more "strap on the guns and make them pay" kind of lady, and it's worked well for her in the past. But when she's faced with a veritable weeping woman, River's slipping her gun back into its holster, and wrapping a tentative arm around the redhead's shoulders.

"It's okay," River tries to whisper. It sounds wrong. "He's here. He's alive."

Amy sniffles, sucking air so shakily through her mouth that she stars coughing. The heaving is a little too loud in the tiny room they've found themselves in, but River's not saying anything. She just holds on tighter.

"Yeah, but for how long?"

"At least another two hundred years," River jokes, trying to lighten the mood. It doesn't work. Not with the look Amy gives her. 

"Don't make jokes," Amy chides her. River has a tiny flashback, to a scolding years and years ago, lifetimes ago, when a mother reprimands a child. She flicks a strand of wayward curl away from her eyes, with it the cobwebs of lives past. 

"I'll try not to," River promises. "But we've still got time, Amy. Time to stop what's going to happen."

Wet blue eyes, darkened with fervent emotion, turn to hers, and River feels tightness in her chest. She wishes she could tell River who she is, maybe give her something else to focus on and take away the hurt, but the time's not right. In her life, timing is everything.

So now, with her arms wrapped around Amy, she gives her what little she can. An understanding shoulder, a quiet place to rest, and some peace before diving back into the chaos that is the Doctor.

And Amy takes that peace, holds onto it. Relishes in the calm and serenity of the moment.

But something's churning here, something's happening, something's wrong. Amy's tight against her side. Tensed. River places her cheek on the crown of her head, hoping it might seem touching and sweet. Hoping it might give her some sort of comfort. Amy seems to still a moment, and she turns her face into River's shoulder. 

Breathes her in.

River parts from her, stepping away in an effort to check on her. Is she still crying? Has her breathing evened out? When she looks down at the shorter woman (not quite so short, not like the pictures she'd seen of Rose and Martha, two of the companions her Doctor has taken through time [he had never mentioned them, but the TARDIS forgets nothing and River has spent days inside her many, many rooms wandering] and back), she sees nothing of the sorrow previously clouding her clear blue eyes (familiar eyes). At least she feels better. 

"There now, Amy," River mutters, patting her arm. They're still close enough in vicinity so it's not quite so awkward. "Feel better?"

"A little, thanks." 

"You're welcome," River answers. She gives Amy another brief hug. 

And is promptly tackle-hugged and kissed so very smartly on the mouth. 

It's more than a shock, more than a surprise. Not that it's not pleasant, but River has never thought about Amy like that. She's always been loyal to the doctor, and due to her special circumstances, she _can't_ think of Amy like that. Ever. It's...well, it's just weird. 

But the kiss is nice. Massaging lips and the like, nice. Not that it can happen again.

"What're you doing, Amy?" It's not judgmental. It's not accusatory or angry or anything negative. She's just wondering, asking as neutrally as she can because right now, Amy is a frightened filly about to buck her rider and gallop off into the sunset. River doesn't want to call her fragile, but she is. Incredibly so. River has to handle her with care, and if that means not jumping away and fleeing down the other end of the corridor when Amy kisses her, then so be it.

"What? It's not like you haven't been giving me the eye."

"Eye? What eye?" 

"The, you know," and Amy tries to give a naughty, dirty wink like a sailor might exchange with a fishwife, but it comes off sort of spastic on her. Like she's having a seizure while constipated. "Sexy eye. And then you hugged me, kissed my head and all that fluffy nonsense." 

River shakes her head, curls flying in her face. "Amy, I was just trying to comfort you in your hour of need. You were sad and understandably so."

Amy narrows her eyes at her, lips pursed like she's analyzing the situation and trying to find fault with River's reasoning. She even shoves her hands to her hips, and plants her feet firmly apart. She switches from sad to angry in a second, cheeks blooming. 

"What's so repulsive about kissing me anyway? It's not like you and the doctor are getting it on in the TARDIS' control room or anything, so what's the problem?"

"What about Rory?" 

That gets her to pause. She does love Rory. River knows this as a truth above all truths. After all, he waited for her for 2,000 years. She waited for him, and he guarded her while she remained in the Pandorica. You don't just start kissing random people when you've got that kind of love waiting in the wings. 

"Rory."

"Yes, you know, your husband."

"I know who he is. I haven't forgotten," Amy exasperatedly snaps. 'What's he got to do with anything here?" 

"He's your husband. I don't think he'd enjoy knowing you've gone about, kissing other women."

Amy shrugs. "I don't know. Don't men have a fantasy about that kind of thing?" 

River gives her another look -not a dirty, naughty wink and it could never be mistaken for one- but a look that says 'stop being such a pillock'. Amy rolls her eyes, and steps closer. 

"Fine." Cue eye roll. "Don't get your knickers in a twist. It was just a kiss and it won't happen again," Amy snaps. As an afterthought, she adds "I didn't even use tongue. And you said it yourself, I was sad and understandably so." 

"Just keep your lips to yourself," River warns her. 

" _Fine._ " With that, Amy turns quickly on her heel and heads out of the room, hopefully towards her husband and the only person she should be kissing. She's huffy with rejection and hurt, but at least she's not kissing River anymore.

And at least she's not sad anymore, either. 

With that, and a called, "River, where are you, you dirty girl?" from her doctor, she answers with a, "Coming, sweetie!" and heads out to the main control room. She has to give one last shake of her head to the events that just transpired in that tiny room within the TARDIS. 

Her last thought is, _How awkward will it be when Amy finds out who I am?_

Now, River Song has to laugh at that, and off she goes, to join her sweetie in the fight to -unknowingly- save his life.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for mrswoman@LJ for the Stop SIDS fundraiser.


End file.
